Seek the answers inside of yourself!

I’ve been quiet on the blog front. Working through life as a mom and wife. Working through depression. Working on my own spiritual journey, tarot readings, spiritual guidance for my facebook groups. Just plugging away at life.

However, The past few weeks I’ve noticed some big time energetic and emotional themes. I don’t know if astrological happenings are fueling these themes but they are happening and very real. It started out as one thing, but has recently shifted into a whole new animal.

External Validation.

Either we are the one who needs the validating or we are the person doing the validating. Or we are both. My question is Why? and What do we need to know about this energy?

So, I did what I do, and I asked the angels. 19204884_10154889039177672_1151831465_o

I used the Angel Prayers oracle Deck by Kyle Grey (I love him and his work. So high vibe and inspirational.) I asked the angels about this energy surrounding the need for external validation and what we need to know about it. And the answers were very clear, and nothing we haven’t heard before. But important reminders nonetheless.

We all have so much on our minds. It is hard to know where to start, what to focus on, how to stay on track. We are trying so hard to do the best we can, do a good job, and we need to know that we are on the right track, worthy, valued, appreciated. We all seek validation from people around us instead of slowing down to find the validation inside of ourselves. It is time to refocus in a positive way and let go of the negative thought patterns.

You know the next step, now is the time to make that move! As your angels to support and guide you through the process. Let go of fear and know you will make it to the other side of the challenge.

You give to everyone else. Now is the time to give to yourself AND accept others to give to you. It isn’t selfish, it is absolutely necessary. Ask yourself “How can I help and serve myself?” and then ask “How can I use that to serve others?” Others being your children and family first and then the community. Self care is so important. Do not rely on others to do this for you. Take care of yourself first. Accept the help and offers of help as they come to you as well. Always embrace the energy exchange, give and take.

~~Thank you angels for supporting us, loving us, and guiding us through our challenges. Help us claim our power, listen to our intuition and internal guidance instead of seeking the answers outside of ourselves. Thank you for guiding me to be more like you, Thank you for supporting us through our next difficult steps, Thank you for helping us prioritize and focus.
And so it is~~

Notice the signs

We’ve all seen the classic depiction of an angel on one shoulder, the devil on the other. In movies, music videos, we’ve read about it in books. The angel whispering loving, positive support. The devil convincing you to follow your baser urges. That is how I view ego vs spirit. Ego is the devil , where Spirit is the angel.

Ego is the base of our humanity. It is our doubt, our selfishness, our drama. Ego closes us off from communication from Spirit. Spirit, our spirit guides, angels, Divine Source, God, communicates with us everyday. But our own humanity hampers down our vibration, so we don’t always recognize it.  I hope that learning some of the common signs will help all of us trust our intuition and communication with Spirit, and therefore live a connected life that lives up to our highest good.

Recognizing the signs in our everyday life

We ALL have the ability to recognize the signs that Spirit gives us in our lives. I believe that there is no such thing as a coincidence. Coincidence, synchronicity, serendipity…  all signs from our angels that we are on the path right for us or are close to it. They are rewards and encouragement for a job well done.

Some signs include:

*Pennies from heaven~  seeing pennies randomly and often along our path is a sign from spirit. Sometimes the pennies are from a passed loved one wanting you to know they are near. Often they are a sign from our Angels and guides that we are on the right path.

*Birds~ My brother Kenny often sends Blue Jays as a sign he’s with us. Cardinals are a big sign from a passed loved one. Sometimes even a robin crossing our path can be a sign that Spirit is encouraging you.

*songs~ Sometimes a song will be in our head and we just can’t get it out, and all of a sudden you’ll hear it on the radio. Or you’ll dream of a song, to hear it right away upon waking up. Sometimes it is a random song that comes on but you hear the lyrics in a different way.

*repeating numbers~ 11:11 is the most common you’ll see. Most believe it is the best time to make a wish. And in a way they are right. If we see 11:11 repeatedly it is a sign that we are connecting to Source, and to watch our thoughts carefully. There are periods where I see 757 every day, sometimes two or three times. Sometimes I will see a license plate that has some random number sequence and feel the chill/goosebumps that is my sign from my intuition that “this means something, pay attention”, I’ll look it up and sure enough, it was important.

*feathers~ a couple weeks ago my daughter and I were finding feathers randomly around the house, with no explanation as to where they were coming from. She and I were outside raking the front yard, a white feather was caught in the wind and landed right in front of me. Powerful sign that I am not alone in this journey. None of us are.

*butterflies/dragonflies~ another reminder sent by loved ones who may have passed or our angelic/spiritual guides. I recognize a yellow moth as a sign from my mom.

*deja vu~ Anytime I experience deja vu I am told that I am on the right path in my life. That I was meant to experience that exact moment at that exact time. Often times these moments are small and seemingly meaningless. But those moments let me know I’m on the right path through the big moments, when I am less likely to pay attention to the signs around me, as I am human and distracted.

This is but a small and short list of signs you may see. Pay attention to the coincidences that happen in your life, as they are a big sign.

No matter what pay attention to what you feel in your heart and your gut instincts, and not what is going on in your head. Your head is your ego, your heart and gut is Spirit.

Powerless??

The past few weeks I’ve been depressed. I felt it creep in masked as self doubt, a lack of compassion. I didn’t trust my intuition. I basically gave up reading my cards. I felt like I needed to learn more. I need to learn the “right” way to do this or that. I started to feel trapped. I wasn’t enjoying or finding joy in anything. Spring has finally made its way to the U.P., something I’ve been looking forward to for six months, and I couldn’t even enjoy that. Any small kindness shown to me had me in tears because I felt like I didn’t deserve it, and I didn’t know how to repay it. Because nothing I did was enough. Everyone deserves the very best I can give and I felt like I couldn’t give anything. I finally realized how deep the depression was last week when physical touch was too much. When I was begging for help but no one knew how to to help. When even if given a reprieve from taking care of my children, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I realize how little I have outside of my home, and how little my life is actually mine to live.

My life should belong to my family. That was a decision my husband and I made when we had kids. I’m a stay at home mom. It is my main purpose in life for the next fourteen years, until our youngest is grown. We all need things in our lives to fulfill us on a personal and soul deep level. And **I** have been lost and drowning on my parenting journey.

For the past couple of months the theme of ‘powerlessness’ has been coming up for me. I’m a compulsive over eater. I’m a food addict. Admitting our powerlessness is step #1 in Overeaters Anonymous. When I recognized the pattern to this theme I took steps to admit and acknowledge my powerlessness. The Serenity Prayer is my favorite mantra/affirmation/prayer.

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image found on google images

I tried to follow where I felt like I was being led. Get in control of my eating. It didn’t work. Yes, I lost a few pounds, became more mindful of what I was putting in my mouth and the impact it has on my body. All good things. But it wasn’t solving my problems. I was still lost. Still confused. Still depressed and sinking deeper.

My daughter, bless her beautiful heart, forced me out of the house. We cleaned the front porch. I raked up some of the yard. I grounded. It was still way too much. I surrendered. I gave into the depression. I cried. I pushed people away. I blamed people for the deep and dark I was feeling. I sank into it. I felt it.

I was thinking of starting back on an anti-depressant. My gut was telling me it wasn’t the right path this time around. That there was something here. Something I was on the verge of discovering. A lesson.

Yesterday while chatting with one of my very best friends, I decided to pull some cards for myself.

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Shadowscape Tarot. Picture: Heidi Oczus

Talk about an A-HA moment. The cards helped me realize I was fighting my thoughts instead of working with them. WHAT????  I gotta quit fighting my feelings. I’m entitled to them. I’m allowed to feel them. I am not my own enemy.

Now that the depression is lifting, and the fog is clearing little by little I realized that powerlessness hasn’t been the theme I was recognizing. The message coming to me was actually about taking back my own power.

As spiritualists we’ve come to rely on our guides and angels to help us on our journey. When we feel alone, when we are not receiving guidance the way we’ve grown accustomed to, we know we’re not really alone. I become frustrated though, and tend to feel blocked in some way. Like “What am I doing wrong that I’m not receiving guidance?” Today I realized I’m not blocked. I’m not alone. The quiet time was for me to realize that the power is mine to reclaim.

I took time to myself yesterday. I went grocery shopping sans kids. I ate a snack in the car while cruising facebook sans kids. I was gloriously alone for three hours. This morning I brought my daughter to school, drank my coffee while watching April the Giraffe. I caught last night’s Talking Dead to recap the season finale. I watched an old episode of Sons of Anarchy. There are always chores to do, but I decided they could wait. I just needed to breath and drop the worry. Take a few hours to myself.
I’ve also decided to take an online tarot class. It is for super beginners, but I’m very happy with it. It is an awesome refresher and it is great to learn other readers takes on the cards, reading techniques. and I really enjoy the sisterhood with other readers. I’m doing this for ME. If I don’t have time or freedom to pursue my interests outside of the home, I’m going to pursue them here. I’m also moving forward with my plans for my ideal outdoor space, and using a part of the yard no one else likes but I love. Yesterday, the kids and I took a short walk in the woods. The oldest running away anytime I pulled out my phone to take pics, and the youngest following the deer tracks and playing with sticks while wearing her pretty Minnie Mouse dress and bright pink mud boots. These small things will add up to a bigger sense of self fulfillment. I’m claiming power over what I can control, and letting go of what I can’t.

I can’t control my depression. I can’t fight it anymore. I know I will come out on the other side and have learned something about myself in the meantime. I know Spirit will lift me up when I can’t lift myself. Even if I’m so lost at the moment that I can’t recognize it.

(*disclaimer* mental illness is a real life issue that needs to be taken very seriously. Please, if you are suffering seek medical attention, and talk to someone you trust.)

 

“You’ve been breaking down for far too long. Far too many moons since you’ve felt well and strong.”

(Paradigm, Avenged Sevenfold)

Anyone else relate to that lyric as much as I do? I know I cannot be alone! There are days, weeks, months that feel like a constant struggle.

After a short meditation this morning, I pulled a few cards to help guide this blog post. To give me words and inspiration. They gave me a clear and personal message, but one I feel we all can relate to. And important to any empath or spiritually minded person.

 

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Rider-Waite Smith Tarot, Picture by Heidi Oczus

We all have days in which we are a hot mess. Days where we are fighting to keep ourselves together and just do what needs to be done. Days that the burden we carry seems too much. As empaths we understand how hard it is to carry another persons burdens so we keep them to ourselves. Depression, anxiety, exhaustion seem to be our “friends” and hope hard to find.

I know when I find myself in this rut of mundane daily existence and feel the pressure on my shoulders, I tend to sit in my nightgown and drink coffee all day. I do the bare minimum to survive, and keep my kids as happy as possible. It is like all my fucks have been spent, and there are just no more left to give.

It is normal. We all experience this. Every single human.

During the hard times, the struggles, we tend to focus on what we lack! We lack a clean house. We lack time to follow or pursue our interests. We lack freedom, time with friends, time to ourselves, money. We lack normalcy, we lack strange, we lack the feelings of thrill and the rush of spontaneity. Maybe we feel a lack of acceptance, self esteem or confidence.

 

How do I move forward?

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Coming from that point of ego and feelings of lack, we can’t really see the forest for the trees. Waking up from that fog is the first step. Ground yourself, and clear your energy. Always with the grounding and clearing. It is great practice in mindfulness, and really helps pull us forward.

Page of Pentacles tells me that to move forward from the struggles we need to do some work. He is seemingly alone, yet look around him! He is in a fertile field of green, surrounded by life. Crops, mountains and trees off in the distance. The pentacle in his hands represents monetary and other worldly possessions. Looking at this card I am reminded of all we have in this life.

Sit down with pen and paper, a cup of tea or coffee, and think about all you have in your life. Start a list of everything, every one, every situation you are grateful for in your life.

Take care of yourself! Practice self care. It isn’t selfish, it is 115% necessary! Say no if you’re not feeling it. Take a bath. Have a glass of wine before bed and watch a trashy TV show. Go shopping! Get your hair done! Paint your nails, exercise, meditate.

As you’re making your gratitude list think of different ways you’ve been neglecting yourself, and ways you can work self care into your life. Start to remember who you really are. You are NOT your struggle!!

Times of struggle and darkness helps to illuminate that shadow. What is that shadow teaching us? As the Red Hot Chili Peppers say “The darkness helps us all to shine.” Take the time to love yourself, learn about yourself. It will help lead you to the light!

❤ HO

I am an empath, now what?

“I am Grounded. I am Connected. I am Protected.” 

I repeat this affirmation to myself a lot. When I’m overwhelmed, when I’m scattered, when I’m anxious. This affirmation brings me back into the present and provides me a reminder to bring my energy back to myself.

I’m FINALLY going to let you all in on how I have gained some control over my empath side, how I opened my intuition, and I’m going to keep it very simple. Everyone can do it. But it might sound way out there for those who are not into woo woo.

Grounding, clearing, shielding.

Everything is energy. Our thoughts, emotions, our bodies, all operate and respond to the vibrations of that energy. Some of us are naturally at a vibration that makes us sensitive to other peoples energy. When we are operating at that higher vibe we can be a bit air headed, forgetful, overwhelmed. Sometimes we take on other people’s emotions as if they are our own, which is so hard when that person is scattered, angry, frustrated. Taking the time to ground ourselves is the first step in being able to gain some control.

What is grounding?

When we ground ourselves we connect to the earth, use her energy to even ourselves out. There is a lot of different information out there, lots of different ways, lots of different ways to get our energy back and center ourselves. I’m going to keep it simple, and give you the one way that I’ve found works the best for me.

Sit on the earth. Walk around your yard barefoot. Go for a walk in the woods. Go for a hike. Sit and appreciate Mother Earth and her beauty.

Simple right? Taking it a step further, if you can meditate or visualize, visualize your connection growing roots deep to the center of the earth.

If you can’t get outside, sit in your favorite chair with your feet flat on the floor, and visualize roots growing into the earth. Sit and do it for a good 10-15 minutes.

Dark crystals are grounding as well. But I will talk about that in another blog post. As well as other woo woo ways to ground yourself. I feel like simple earth grounding is the best way to get that process started. Practice today. Feel the gratitude for all Mother Earth has given us. Feel the connection.

Once you feel that connection you will be better able to stay within yourself, less affected by others energies.

Clearing

Sometimes we need to cleanse and clear ourselves for a fresh start, and get rid of the negative energies. There are so many ways to do this. Incense, sound, sage.

I use palo santo. It has a wonderful scent, that I find very soothing. Its smoke is a powerful and sacred energetic cleanser. Sage bundles work wonderfully as well, and is a bit more mainstream. Incense smoke works as well and can be bought anywhere. Clapping your hands can chase away the negative energies. Making a lot of noise, singing and dancing will chase away the negative energies and welcome the positive.

You can also cleanse your energy in the shower. Visualize the negative leaving your body and aura and washing right down the drain. leaving behind a nice sparkly aura that is nothing but light and positive.

 

Protecting

I’m ready to head to the store and get our grocery shopping done for the week. Big stores are just awful. Such a mix of energy, a lot not positive at all. Trying to keep my mind straight to remember what I need, keep track of my youngest kiddo who wants to hide or twirl in circles down the frozen foods aisle. I end up grabbing the bare minimum and getting the hell out of dodge happy that we survived the experience.

I’ve done my best to ground, and cleanse my energy. Now it is time to protect and shield. Because I’m not going to head into Walmart without shielding myself. Not if I want to drive home safely. I check in with myself, recognize my emotions, take a few deep breaths. I envision myself surrounded by a bubble, and I know nothing of low vibes is going to get in that bubble. Visualizing a disco ball surrounding you is so fun too. PING PING, negativity bouncing right off that disco ball, and I’m safe and sound inside getting my shit done.

I repeat my mantra as needed, as a reminder and setting myself up for success. “I am grounded. I am connected. I am protected.” A few deep breaths and I am ready to go tackle the rest of my day.

When it comes to our empathic and sensitive nature, and protecting our energy, it takes practice to learn what works for us. Don’t feel defeated when it doesn’t happen right away. This journey is incredibly personal. Please take the time to take care of yourself and do what you need to do to replenish your energy! Self care is so important.

Message/email/send me a carrier pigeon if you want a tarot/oracle reading to help you begin your empath journey.  I’m here for you!

Love and Light

❤ Ho

 

Empath 101

When I worked as a CNA, death was a part of the job. I hated it. I loved caring for the residents. Holding their hand in their final hours was an incredible honor and privilege. Their families though, I couldn’t seem to face. Their grief was like a blanket. Thick, heavy, inevitable. Each time I was in their presence I couldn’t hardly look at them. I couldn’t offer any kind words. I was helpless, because they were helpless. I’d care for their loved one with great respect, as if he or she were my own family. It never felt like enough. I’d bring meals, snacks, brew fresh coffee. Bring them blankets and pillows, geri-chairs if we had any available so they could stretch their legs and rest. Mostly, I left the comforting to my coworkers, and avoided the families. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t handle it as well as my co workers. Why was it so incredibly overwhelming for me? Because I’m an empath!  

When we show empathy, we can place ourselves in another person’s shoes and understand how they feel. An empath not only understands how the other feels, but we take it on ourselves. How it manifests may differ from person to person.

There are so many signs of being an empath. No list is all encompassing. You may not relate to all of these symptoms, or you may experience them differently. I think this list will give you a good idea of what an empathic person might experience on a day to day basis.

~you are an overly sensitive person

~anxiety/social anxiety and feeling awkward in social situations

~you get overwhelmed in crowds

~strong first impressions

~you know when someone is lying or untrustworthy

~you value truth

~it seems as if people come out of the woodwork, tell you personal things and their life story.

~you feel like you need to “fix” people and situations. Want to make life easier for people

~you notice everything!

~you have a hard time saying “no”

~you can’t watch the news, or emotional tv shows or movies

~you are sensitive to sounds and/or lights

~you are a free spirit, creative, don’t fit into the norm

~care deeply about people’s comfort, feelings and happiness

~you feel other people’s joy, despair, happiness

~fatigue, tired feel worn down all the time.

~you’re an introvert

~you tend to take on the emotions that surround you. You get angry around angry people, etc.

So, I’m an Empath, now what?

Most live life without ever understanding why they don’t enjoy shopping or going to the fair. Anxiety and introversion is the name of the game, which provides a barrier between the outside world and themselves. We are not going to go that route. We’ve been heading that way too long, time to live some life!!

 

First things we have to come to terms that this is our life. Accept and acknowledge our truth. We are empathic, we are sensitive band emotional and it’s okay! We are gonna take the bull by the horns!

 

Second, by being mindful we will start to recognize which emotion is our own, what is coming from our environment, and what is coming from other people. Take a break, deep breaths, try to quiet your mind and process. Are you angry, or is someone else? Are YOU frantic? Happy, sad, anxious, furious, envious, etc. When we learn to recognize our own emotions and separate them from what we are actually experiencing.

Third, recognize situations we will most certainly experience empath overload and take precautions. Common places that have a thick mixture of conflicting emotions: WALMART is hell on earth! Concerts, fairs, festivals, malls, busy restaurants, school events, work meetings, church, family gatherings, etc etc etc. Use the tools that work for you.

 

Empath overload isn’t fun. Mind fog, inability to think clearly, headache, feeling entirely overwhelmed and distracted, easy to anger, panic attacks, feeling like you just gotta get out of there, hyperfocusing, emotional overload. These symptoms are what I experience and are very typical of an empaths response to overwhelming environments.

Start a journal, start being a little bit more mindful. Figure out your triggers. That is the first step in taking back your energy. Next blog post will be all about the woo-woo ways I have gotten a handle on my sensitive and empathetic side.

LOVE AND LIGHT!! ❤empath101 (1)

 

 

The road so far…

WHEW! I FINALLY did it! I started a blog!

I have no idea what I’m doing! A HUGE thanks to my awesome friend Mrs. MommyMack, for making my featured images and all the help and advice she has given me the past few months as I stewed this blog adventure over.

A little about myself:
My name is HO, or some call me Heidi. I’m also known as MMMOOOMMM!!! I have an almost teenage son and a preschool aged daughter. I’ve been married to the love of my life for almost 15 years now. We live in a super tiny town in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan and we love it here. Minus the winters. Winter sucks. Spring is well on her way, Thank you Mother Earth!

I’m relatively new to my spiritual journey, yet I’m not if that makes any sense at all. Maybe one day I will share my story. It is way too much for one post, especially my very first blog. Suffice it to say that through the years I’ve learned a lot. It has just been since I’ve met my mentor and amazing friend Tammy that I have bloomed spiritually. I am so thankful for her!

I am a Lightworker, a tarot/oracle card reader, empath and intuitive. I’m a believer of all things love and light. I’m hoping to use this blog to pass on what I’ve learned. And to help those new to their journey as Tammy has helped me.

I’m so glad to be here!